Dr. Paulette Sherman

What About Reuniting With an Ex?

Lightning usually only strikes once but there are exceptions to every rule:

Here’s a popular relationship question: Should you get back together with your ex?

Many people say that you should not try again with an ex-love because there were good reasons that you broke up in the first place. Often partners that reunite start off great in the beginning and later find themselves facing the same challenges.

On the other hand, sometimes people do successfully reunite. There are instances where people separated originally due to their age or circumstance, not because of their relationship issues. Sometimes people date in high school, marry and divorce someone else and then find each other again later. Another possible factor is emotional timing. It is possible for people to mature over a period of time so they are more willing to work through their existing relationship challenges later.

In situations where people reunite in clarity and love rather than fear, outcomes tend to be better.

Since this column is about learning to love consciously, I want you to ask yourself a few questions if you are suddenly thinking about returning to an ex. Are you idealizing the situation? Are you expecting everything to be perfect this time or are you more willing to accept the old challenges? Are you trying to reclaim your youth or reclaim your past in some way? Or, is this choice about something that is good for you and grounded in the present?

Once you’ve considered the aforementioned questions, you can think about whether to rekindle your old flame or to stop playing with fire. Here are some tips to help you decide:

                              Basic Tips about Reuniting With an Ex:

  • Do not return to the relationship expecting the other person to change
  • Check if you are idealizing the past and are just remembering the good
  • Be clear about the reasons that you split in the first place.
  • Be realistic about the ways that the relationship will be different
  • Act out of love & clarity, not fear & loneliness
  • Was there was a lesson to be learned the first time? Did you learn it?

My Best in Love,